


The Alone Time

by mmouse15



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 21:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13326549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmouse15/pseuds/mmouse15
Summary: Remus, from the end of the first war to the beginning of the second.





	The Alone Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ironlawyer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironlawyer/gifts).



Remus stood in the street, staring at the wreckage of James and Lily's home. He'd gotten an owl that told him Harry had survived and Dumbledore was placing him in a safe place. Beyond that, all Remus could think was 'I'm alone now.' James and Lily dead, Peter killed in a confrontation with Sirius, Sirius on his way to Azkaban...and, supposedly, Voldemort was gone, which was the only good news in an otherwise horrible time. Dumbledore had told the Order to hide and its members were scattering as Dumbledore and the Ministry attempted to figure out if Voldemort was truly gone. After all the chaos, the pain, and the terror caused by the Imperius curse and the broken lives that came from the Cruciatus curse, most members were content to hide and try to rebuild their lives.

Turning away from the shattered home, Remus apparated to his small flat and set to packing everything away. His landlord had given him notice, rather tersely, right after the full moon just a few days ago. Remus was having a very bad week, and he didn't see it getting any better. Fortunately, Molly Weasley had agreed to store his trunks at her home, so Remus didn't have to figure out how to store his books and clothes while he was figuring out where, and how, he could live. Finished, he apparated himself and his luggage to the lane that led to the Burrow, the Weasley's residence. Leaving the trunks, Remus walked up the lane to the gate and waited.

Arthur hurried out to meet him, and Remus explained his presence, not wishing to intrude when Molly was juggling a newborn, three toddlers, and the three older children. Arthur listened and then waved his wand, levitating Remus' trunks and sending them into one of the sheds.

"There. They'll be safe there, and you can let us know where you want us to send them. We would offer you a place, but we're rather tight on space. I need to add another floor." Arthur said, offering his hand.

Remus shook the proffered hand and said, "I would refuse. I can't bring that kind of danger on you and Molly and your family."

Arthur nodded and said, "Do let us know, though."

"Of course," Remus agreed, having absolutely no intention of doing so. The Weasleys had their own problems to deal with, and Remus wouldn't add to their burdens.

A week later, Remus was regretting his pride. He was in a small town, scrounging for food. He found an alley that meandered behind some shops. Boxes were piled beside doorways, and the wandering nature of the narrow way meant that people could only see up or down a few shops, rather than the entire way. Remus found a bin where stale bread had been wrapped in bags and thrown out. Despite some grime, the bin was quite clean, so Remus grabbed as many loaves as he could comfortably carry and continued on his way.

In this manner, he collected preserves, wilted lettuce, spoiled tomatoes, ends of hams sliced off at the butcher's, and some fruit compote in a jar, still warm, but lacking sugar. Not a problem for a wizard, Remus pulled sugar from the bakery and put it in the jar, absently stirring it as he continued trying to find food. Remus was not choosy and took what he could before making his way down to the river. He was camping under the branches of a huge willow tree that overhung the banks of the river, giving him the illusion of privacy and warmth.

He made a fine meal of his haul, and wrapped the remaining loaves of bread in a shirt, stuffing them in his rucksack before curling up for the night. In this manner, Remus made his way to London.

London, like any big city, had a dark underbelly where bartering supplies to live on was the best method of payment, and no questions were asked about a person's origin or problems. The Muggle side of this underbelly was the easiest place for Remus to survive. He had few skills to offer, but he could do magic and do it well, and he used judicious applications of his magic to repair broken objects, to fix spoiled food so no one was poisoned, and to mend clothes and shoes as he could. Of course, he couldn't let on that he was using magic to do any of these things, but it was easy enough to take a piece of leather and affix it over a hole in the sole of a shoe, then bind it there with magic. Remus picked up odd jobs where he could, sweeping out shops in exchange for a meal, or helping unload a delivery lorry in exchange for a few pounds he could use to purchase items unavailable for barter.

His absences during the full moon were easier to hide, since no one was keeping track of him. There were not many large parks in the heart of London, but it was not difficult to get out of London and get somewhere he could run. Remus did his best to be as far from civilization as possible and hoped that his precautions were enough.

Occasionally, he would be visited by an owl from Dumbledore, who would have a job that would occupy Remus for a few days and put some necessary gold in his pocket. Those were the months that made his transformations easier, since he could take a train further afield.

In this manner, Remus Lupin survived. He was alone. He was lonely. He missed the companionship of his friends and, in a sense, of the entire wizarding world. He slept badly most nights, since the homeless population was not free from crime and he didn't want to use his magic to protect himself, for fear it would lead to a worse fate. He watched some of his fellow street people deal with their problems by self-medicating, using drugs, alcohol, and sex to drown the cacophony of a rough life lived on the streets. Remus thought about it, especially the sex, but in the end, he couldn't bear the thought of sex without the companionship of knowing and loving the other person.

Years passed in this manner, and Remus didn't see an end to it all until Minerva McGonagall sent him an owl, asking him to meet her in Hogsmeade. Remus apparated and made his way to the Three Broomsticks where the professor was waiting for him in a booth. Time had treated her only slightly better than it had him, but he could still see the stress and pain in the lines of her face that had not been there the last time he had seen her. Nevertheless, she smiled as Remus slid onto the bench opposite her, where he then waited for her to speak. Professor McGonagall signaled to the waiter and a tumbler of firewhiskey was placed in front of Remus. She tutted when Remus opened his mouth.

"It's my treat. Hush, now."

Remus closed his mouth and listened.

"My uncle just recently died."

"I'm sorry," Remus said.

"Thank you. However, he's left me a shack out in the moors of Yorkshire. It's in rather bad shape, but it's remote, it's far away from people, and I would like someone to be there."

Remus sat back and asked, "What is it you want from me?"

"I want to hire you to be the caretaker of this cottage. I do not know what shape it is in, but I don't want anyone coming along and deciding that the stones would look better in their barn, or cow shed, or some such."

"Minerva…" Remus began.

McGonagall held up her hand and Remus froze. She leaned forward, and he matched her.

"There are rumors that You Know Who is still alive. James and Lily will not be the last victims. Dumbledore feels certain he will be back, and, if he is, we will need to recall the Order. A remote cottage in Yorkshire is an easier place to be than the homeless squats of London, and you could use the time to study up on your spellwork. It will be needed, Remus. Please accept this offer. It will help more than just yourself."

Remus sat back up, thinking. McGonagall sipped her own whiskey and waited. Finally, Remus heaved out a sigh and pick up his glass, raising it to her and throwing it back.

"Yes, Minerva."

"Excellent. I'll take you there and you can get settled." McGonagall finished her whiskey and stood, leading the way out of the pub. Remus followed her to a clearing beyond Hogsmeade and took her arm, allowing her to take them to her uncle's cottage.

They arrived on the top of a hill, the wind steady against them, and looked down on a small stone cottage tucked in the lee of the hill, protected from the wind. McGonagall led the way down the path to the yard. The door gave easily under her touch, and they entered.

The cottage had a low ceiling, and the floor was a step down from the door's sill. The windows were small and high on the wall, with stout shutters ready to keep out the cold and wind. The walls were thick, but cold, and a large coal stove stood against one wall, heat and cooking in one large package. A sturdy bed frame was against the opposite wall with a well scrubbed plank table between the bed and the stove. Two chairs were at the table. One corner near the bed had a line strung up with a curtain, and nails protruding from the wall. Above the table was a hook to hang a lamp. McGonagall waved her wand and candles floated out from the dresser near the stove. She guided them around the room and lit them with her wand.

The light revealed a clean stone floor. An old fashioned chamber pot was under the bed.

"The privy is down the hill," McGonagall remarked.

Remus looked around and could not see why he would refuse her offer.

"Alright, Professor, I would be glad to assist you and stay here as your caretaker."

"Excellent. Thank you, Remus, that is a worry off my mind."

The rest of the afternoon was a whirlwind of Remus retrieving his trunks and unpacking. While the cottage could be described as ramshackle, it had a solid foundation and walls. The woodwork needed repair, with the shutters being old and worn, as was the door. This, Remus felt, he could address. At least he had a roof over his head and a warm place to sleep. Unpacking his trunks took little time, and Remus explored. One shed close to the house was the coal shed, and it was filled. The privy was small, but a good supply of lime was laid in. Back up in the yard, Remus opened the only other shed and found tools for repairing leather, along with clamps to hold the leather. Finally, tucked into the hill itself was a small door which led to a cold cellar. The shelves held a small amount of root vegetables, and there were a few jars of preserved food left, though most of the jars were empty.

Remus went back to the cottage and began to prepare for the night when the grief hit. He was alone, truly alone, miles from anyone, and his friends were all gone. So much of his energy had been put into surviving he hadn't taken the time to grieve his losses. Now, alone, with nothing else to occupy his time, the dam broke and Remus sobbed, falling to his knees beside the bed and sobbing into the old quilt covering the mattress. It was all gone. James, Lily, their son, their home. Sirius. That grief hit him hard. Sirius had been the one to support him the most, his animagus form perfectly suited to running beside Remus when he was in wolf form. James and Peter had done their best, but the reality was that James turned into a prey animal, and if Remus was having a bad night, only Sirius had the size and disposition to stop Remus. Sirius had also been the friend that lived with Remus after Hogwarts, and Remus missed the companionship.  
Even Peter was gone. Poor Peter, trying to do the right thing in confronting Sirius' madness. Remus cried until tears would no longer come, and even then sobs wracked his body.

He woke the next morning, thirsty, cold, and emptied of feeling. He brought the fire back up and boiled water, making himself a cup of tea before wrapping himself in the quilt and huddling on the bed. He finished his tea, set the cup aside, and let himself sleep.

After all, what else was there to do with his day?

~fin


End file.
